Fuzzy Ruud*
After a long car ride across the country, my nose was tingling with the various scents rushing through our window as we pulled onto Putnam street in view of our new home. The door was opened, I gently leapt to the ground, allowing myself a moment to stretch to undo the tension and aches that come with a long car ride. Sniffing the grass for traces of others, I found a spot of unclaimed territory, lifted my leg, and let the mammals of Marietta know that Fuzzy had arrived. This was the beginning of something beautiful I realized, that in our time here, I am given the opportunity to pee everywhere on this campus.
Since being on this campus for these first couple months, I’ve had the good fortune to explore much of the college, as well as the town of Marietta itself. Everywhere we have visited my snout is filled with the pleasant aromas wafting from the trash cans and fire hydrants alike. But now if you return to those spots, the scent that will rise on the wind to greet your nostrils is none other than your’s truly. To be honest, sometimes I didn’t even really need to go, but I would not miss the chance to leave my mark on Marietta. You could say I’ve been a bit of an opportunist since arriving here, though I just see it as a claim to what is rightfully mine. Sure, Bill gets a nice office, and he and Judy get the President’s house, but can either of them be granted the leisure to lift their leg wherever they so please and relieve themselves? I don’t think so.
I’ve peed on Rickey, Thomas, Mills, and the DBRC alike, never hesitating to throw a few dribbles that lets the next dog know, Fuzzy was here. On Family Weekend when your folks decide to bring down Buster, Fido, or Fluffy, you know who they’re going to be paying attention to? Me. I am the King of my dominion and the campus is my toilet. It’s going to drive them wild knowing that this whole campus is claimed by me, and you know what? I deserve it. My celebrity extends to both human and dog-kind alike, and I expect to be signing autographs long before Winter Break approaches. Now some may say this is arrogant, but really, I am just fulfilling my duty as First Dog of the College. It comes with a certain responsibility; to cover this campus with my scent, and I am prepared to live up to that and pioneer the future for all dogs to be. Welcome back Marietta students, I can’t wait to see you around. Just watch your step!
*Fuzzy doesn’t have an email, though you can follow him on Twitter @fuzzy_ruud. You can email his secretary, senior Casey McGuire, at chm003@marietta.edu.
