Mockolian: Valentine’s Day: The reality

Trey Farley
tlf001@marietta.edu

*Please note that all names and titles are made up for the sake of this article.

Valentine’s Day is often associated with a love and being a day where people show their affection in various ways. While many couples celebrate this day with dinner or flowers, there are many romantically independent people whom also take part in their own special way.

“I like to spend my valentine’s day in my room with the lights turned off listening to the album Take Care by Drake,” Super senior Greg Phillips said. “Especially the song Marvin’s Room.

Songs such as Marvin’s Room are staples for the independent on Valentine’s Day to keep their minds off of the useless spending accompanied with the holiday.

“No, I don’t do this because I’m lonely,” Phillips replied when asked why he chose this album in particular. “I just feel that this album goes really well with a couple bags of Franzia.”

Studies have shown that there is a positive correlation between wine purchases and the holiday, however, not for the reason people believe.

“Many people believe that wine purchases increase because couples are buying the drink for their romantic evening,” Economics expert Joseph Harrison explained. “Most purchases of wine, particularly fine wines like Franzia, are by independent people who drink wine to celebrate the occasion, not because they’re lonely. Allegations of loneliness are simply foolish alternative facts introduced by holiday card companies and candy corporations.”

These companies profit millions off of the mindless spending of couples during Valentine’s Day and are making it hard for people to get every day shopping done by placing surpluses of their products in supermarkets.

“I can’t even go to the store for a gallon of milk without having to walk by egregious displays of candy and stuffed animals” local mother Stephanie Lewis said. “It’s a bit ridiculous and my husband buys all of these things thinking I actually want them. Who really wants a four pound chocolate bar in February?”

The holiday has a massive effect on the economy every year, but many people aren’t aware of the reasoning behind the day. Valentine’s Day is named after Saint Valentine whom was executed for marrying soldiers in the Roman Empire that were forbidden to marry. Basically it’s a day honoring the death of a priest from the third century. So when you’re at the store and see these displays it is important to ask yourself, do I really need to eat 48 marshmallow chickens in honor of some criminal who dared offer compassion in the sanctity of the Holy Roman Emperor?

Mock-Olian, Opinion