Counseling Corner: Remedying self-sabotage

It's a new year, a new semester has begun and we are facing what to do about our resolutions, if we made any. There are two psychological phenomena that interfere with our resolve: fear of failure and fear of success. Sometimes these phenomena are known as self-sabotage. How do these work?

Fear of failure is the most obvious. We are by nature competitive beings so we do not like to do anything that might mean we "lose." We avoid that feeling of failure as much as possible because it is a negative feeling. The fear of failure can extend to avoidance of anything new. It certainly affects our performance when we are confronted with anything difficult and challenging. If we were raised in an environment that stressed personal success, we are more susceptible to fear of failure. When we decide to not complete an assignment or avoid talking with a professor or decide to skip class, we are manifesting fear of failure. Carried to the extreme, we end up with depression and anxiety.

Fear of failure is something we recognize and more often are willing to acknowledge, but what is fear of success? Fear of success is the flip side of fear of failure.

We inhibit our performance and our choices because we are afraid of the consequences of success. Nonsense you say! Why would anyone be afraid of success? With success comes responsibility and expectations. Sometimes to avoid the responsibilities and expectations, we pass our success off as luck, a fluke. To take personal responsibility for our success means we have to take responsibility for our failure. This is the common wisdom; however, it is not true.

Failure, itself, may not be our fault. I would fail to complete a marathon because I have not trained for it. I would fail a calculus exam because I have not taken a calculus course. Fear of success comes into play if I decide I cannot understand calculus so I never take a class. I cannot run a marathon so I never train for it.

How do we manage these complimentary fears? First and most important is to identify our strengths and weaknesses. Second, set goals that emphasize and maximize our strengths. Third, challenge our weaknesses in order to determine if they are real.

For help with this or other concerns, please consider talking with a counselor with Counseling and Psychological Services in Andrews Hall.

Have a topic that you would like Dr. Nan to cover in a future issue? Leave a comment on this story on marcolian.com or e-mail her at nnc001@marietta.edu.